Strange Taste in My Cerebrum

I've just finished reading two novels. Worlds apart by comparison, yet containing the same quark that reminds you of one of those tired insomniac nights.


HOSPITAL by TOBY LITT

In summary: Hospital is the last place you want to be when the world ends.

I don't know what's up with English writers and their penchance to give roll calls of names. The book is 500-plus pages. There's a thousand of things happening all at once and the Tolkien name ramblings of questionable signifance pop in your reading vision.

Okay, let me just break this down by giving the important places of happenings so that you will have an idea.

A&E: Starts here and ends here. This is where the main characters were introduced, and this is where they bowed out.

Chapel Area: Where all the Satanists congregated to celebrate Black Mass. (Don't look at me, I'm just conveying what I read).

Operating Room/Surgery Area: Where a love story of soap operatic proportions unfold.

Lower Floors/Maintenance Area: A voodoo ritual was held here.

ICU: "Adoration Chapel" of the Comatose One.

Pharmacy: Disneyland for two loose drug addicts.

CCTV screening area: Where the Virgin watches over them.

Roof Top: Landing area of the chopper that never came.

All over the place: A Rubber Nurse and a boy who swallowed an appleseed.


Toby Litt wrote this book probably after making a book report on Dante's Inferno. As the pages fly by, so will your sanity as events unfolding right before your eyes get darker, funnier, gross-er, and most of the time, sillier. When I finished the novel, I can't even understand how I feel about it. I don't know if I liked it or hated it. I can't recommend it entirely, but I can't even tell you to disregard it altogether. It's like watching a supposedly funny British flick. You hear the laugh, but it's not funny. Something's funny, yet you are the only one clapping and laughing.

One best adjective to describe this book: STRANGE.

Low Note: No booze or caffeine allowed while reading. Nothing to alter your mental status.

High Note: Highly hyperactive imagery/imaginations of the author - hopefully not LCD-induced. Munch something crunchy while reading.

THE PHILOSOPHER'S APPRENTICE by James Morrow

PLACE: Isla de Sangre. Where plants sigh, trees bear mixed fruits, and iguanas have wings.

YOU: Mason Ambrose. Crashed your PHD dissertation. Neo-Darwinist Atheist "philosopher." (Correct adjective would be failed, but I would not rub it in.)

YOUR JOB: Teach philosophy to a girl who grew up so fast she forgot her manners.

SALARY: $100,000.00/year.

RISK: Harasssment from weirdoes of test tube/petri dish/vat-like proportions.

SITUATION: Lona Sabacthani, your student, graduates from the Mason Ambrose school of philosophy and moves out of the island. You go back to the real world and open a bookshop. You forget everything that ever happened in that isalnd. Meanwhile, the rich and beautiful Lona becomes a celebrity of comic book sorts. Lona builds a city of Utopia called Themisopolis. She funds avant-garde medical research and became Mother Theresa for the underprivileged. Afterwards, your brilliant student kidnaps all the major key players in Wall Street and plans to rehabilitate them ... in the biblical Revelations's sense (WAR, FAMINE, PESTILENCE, DEATH).

So what's your move, Socrates?


MY SAY: I've always considered my college philosphy professors raving lunatics. I recalled memories of them while I was reading this book. Hands flailing in the air, excited expressions, and gibberish talks of TV static in my brain. What made me go back further was the topic of bioengineering (I was once a Science major in Microbiology - nothing beats the smell of warm agar fresh from the autoclave), which was the cause of it all.

Put two different chemicals of the opposite sides of the periodic table, bang! You get - NOTHING NEW.

Now get genes from A, and mix it with genes of B in a tube, nourish it in a growth chamber, PCR it, teach it how to speed read, and throw the Bible in it while you're at it. What do you get in this stew? A truly monstrous idea.

That, in a nutshell, is how I feel about this book. It's either a mutated notebook of Plato/Kant/Nietze/What is Logic?/Banananess of the Banana, or my laboratory manual missing several pages. Either way it's the modern day Frankenstein with B-movie written all over it.

I love the hilarity of the story, but hated the lame psychoticness of both the philosopher and the apprentice -- My professors were more endearing in their bipolar ways. I was a diligent student in my paranoid ideations.

Best words to describe the book: STRANGELY ABSURD

Low Points: Mason Ambrose, Lona Sabacthani, Coral Idolatry, Themisopolis, the Valkyries, and Titanic Redux.

High Points: Mumquat juice, Quetzie, Donya Sabacthani, Pieces of Mind, John & Jane Snows storming Themisopolis - gahd, I wished they killed them all.

One Weird Neighborhood of Characters (Part Two)

BRIDA by Paulo Coelhio (THE WEIRD CHICK)

This is the story of Brida.  A young Irish girl who wants to become a witch.  She meets a Master trained in the Ways of The Sun.  He teaches her to overcome fear ... and introduces to her the concept of soulmates.  He then refers her to a Witch learned in the Ways of the Moon.  Brida enters the world Wicca and its customs.  Unconsciously, Brida starts of a journey of self discovery and personal destiny.

Paulo Coelhio weaves magical stories. Like "The Alchemist," this book follows the Coelhian philosophy of finding your destiny.  It is light reading, quite interesting, BUT for a book about witchcraft ... a little lacking in the magic department (I have learned more spells from Harry Potter. Unfortunately, they are useless in real life). It is rich on stuff about soulmates though.  Compared to "The Alchemist," this is lukewarm. But then it's still a readable book. Collection-wise, it's better that you just borrow one from your Coelhio-fan friend.


THE THIRTEENTH TALE by Diane Setterfield (THE GEEK AND THE ADDAMS FAMILY)

Margaret Lea is a librarian who also happens to write biographies of dead people. Her family owns a bookstore, hence her vocation to literary pursuits.  Vida Winter, who happens to be the best-selling LIVING author of her time, contacts Margaret Lea into writing her biography.  Aware of Vida Winter's reputation of not telling the true story of her life (Numerous interviews were given. All stories were false of course.).  Curiosity piqued, Margaret Lea suspiciously accepted the job.  She unfolds the extraordinary life of the author, and unravels family secrets filled with suspense, incest, sadism, and the other daily twisted apothecary pills of weirdness.  

The first effort of Ms. Setterfield ... and a damn good one.  This is the kind of book that makes me say "I wish I wrote this."  If I did and were not aware of it, I would have 50% of my ideas in this book. The story is so twisted until the near end, I was smiling silly when I put the book down. Must-have in the book coffers.


THE BOOK OF NAMES by Jill Gregory & Karen Tintori (THE TEACHER AND THE DOOMSDAY CREW)

David Shepherd is a professor of politics haunted by visions of names stemming from a childhood accident.  The names took on a life on itself after 25 years of conscious suppression.  He meets a rabbi who explains to him the importance of those names in the balance of life events on earth. The list happened to be the Book of Names, originating from the ancient texts of the biblical Adam. And by Kabbalistic beliefs, it contains the names of the thirty-six righteous souls of each generation - the so-called Hidden Ones.  He is then pursued by a mysterious group, who seeks out the names in his visions. The so-called Gnoseos vows to eliminate the people who own these names to purge the earth and usher a new one. Aided by an Israeli texts expert, he gets into danger after danger, trying to decipher the names, save the world, and rescue his abducted step-daughter (who also happens to be a Hidden One).

Talk a about one really bad day.  When you just thought you were just going insane, the next thing you know you have to save earth from Armageddon. By summary, it sounds far-fetched and crazy at the least. It's pretty entertaining.  I can imagine some of the action films plus the Da Vinci Code while reading this.  For those who are into suspense, mystery, and puzzle-solving, you can add this to your collection.  I hope though they don't make this into a movie, I can feel a B-Movie coming ... as some of the stuff here can be done tastelessly.  Just retain the book of its charm please.

One Weird Neighborhood of Characters (Part One)

Imagine having the characters of all these tales in one neighborhood. It would be interesting to witness all the crazy happenings, or just exchange gossips over the fence.

LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (THE OLD FOLKS'S LOVESTRUCK TRIANGLE)

In their youth, Florentino Ariza and Fermina Daza fell in love. One day however, Fermina decides to end their relationship, and went on to marry Dr. Juvenal Urbino - a good-looking doctor from a wealthy family. Florentino Ariza, an illegitimate child of a merchant, could not match this. He vowed to improve himself to claim the love of his life. As a bachelor, he had affairs that spanned half a century while waiting for the day. And when indeed Dr. Urbino died and Fermina became a widow, he planned his way into winning her back again.

The book has wonderful lyrical quality to it and is a big hit to most of "The Bridges of Madison County" fans. I, on the other hand, found the sentimentality nauseating sometimes. This is the ultimate love story for those who stash romance novels in their library. For people who believe that there is just one person out there for them. For some who are of different tastes (which includes me), this is the dreaded chick flick (take note I'm a girl and I can't stand it). Just like the main theme of this book - PATIENCE - I had to summon a lot of will to finish reading this (it took me year). However, it is not badly written. It's the overabuse of the word "love" and anything related to it, which repelled me. It drained too much of my estrogen stores and made me stony.


THE VIRGIN SUICIDES by Jeffrey Eugenides (THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR AND THE BOYS WHO WATCH THEM)


The Lisbon girls were fascinating creatures. They were beautiful girls. But one day Cecilia, the youngest, commits suicide. This was the turning point of their story as it ushered a series of self-annihilation of the other four sisters: Lux, Therese, Bonnie, and Mary. A group of boys who obsessed them, tells their story as witnesses to the events of highs, lows, and the ultimate doom of their lives.


For people suffering insomnia, I recommend you to read this book to fill in those hours of sleeplessness. You won't waste a minute reading this as the story is interesting, funny, and wistful (finished it in one night and paid for it at work the next day, tsk tsk tsk). A very good read, if I must say. I am still looking for a DVD copy of the movie and am quite curious on how Sophia Copolla adapted the book to the movie.

Movie Seats with Keanu Reeves, a Super Hero, and a Couple from Vegas

I've been spending lots of time in the mall during the "in-between" hours of the day and was able to catch several movies that I think is worth writing about.






STREET KINGS


Tom Ludlum (Keanu Reeves) is an LAPD vice cop working on high profile cases.  An ex-partner disapproves of his outside-the-rule book operations. According to his captain (Forrest Whitaker), he is being investigated by the police chief (Hugh Laurie) and his ex-partner was snitching on him.  This angers Ludlum and stakes out his ex-partner to exact revenge. He to witnesses his ex-partner's death instead.  Ludlum searches out for the killers with the help of a young police detective (Chris Evans) and unravels tales of frame-ups, corruption, and abuse of power within the police department along the way.  He now questions himself on his allegiance to their little group or to just being a good cop.


The movie has LA Confidential written all over it because one of the screen writers happens to be James Elroy.  This modern version of corruption and crime is filled with action, surprises, and some predictable twists. Keanu Reeves is very good playing roles of troubled characters. In this one, he is also a grieving alcoholic widower.  Hugh Laurie matches his House MD character quips and one-liners against the formiddable Forrest Whitaker.  And Laurie still wins by funny. One of the better films to be shown, I watched this movie twice as it is that good.

IRON MAN

Tony Stark is an heir to an arms-manufacturing company.  Aside from this, he is also a genius.  When his old man passed away, he took the helm and went on to conquer the world, in terms of celebrity and infamy. One routine arms demonstration changes all that. Tony was kidnapped by Afghan terrorists and was forced to make the same new weapon he was selling to the military.  In the cave, Tony invents a suit of impregnable armor and armed it enough for him to escape.  Back at home, he fine-tune his invention and uses it in clandestine activities to save the world from the weapons that he created.


The latest super hero to be adapted into a movie, Marvel must be raking huge sums of moola not just for comic books these days.  Unlike some adaptations, this actually a very good one.  Robert Downy Jr. plays Tony Stark excellently. Though his character is such a lothario at most times, he can be as lovable as well (ask Pepper Potts, in eternal servitude of Mr. Stark's).  There are parts in the movie that can be a bit dragging at times specially at the beginning. But it catches up.  The soundtrack is pretty interesting. Hard rocking tunes can be heard all throughout the movie, specially Black Sabbath's - Iron Man.  This movie is not to be missed, eventhough you are the type who hates the hype.


WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS 
Joy (Cameron Diaz) just got dumped in front of her friends in a surprise party she threw for her fiancee.  Jack (Ashton Kutcher) was fired by his own father.  Solution? Vegas of course! Joy drags her bar tender bff Tipper (Lake Bell) for a weekend of fun, while Jack tags his lawyer/friend Hater (Cowdry) for endless partying and debauchery in the desert.  Fate intervenes. Jack and Hater met Joy and Tipper when they were accidentally assigned in the same hotel room. To remedy the situation, the group gets penthouse suites and VIP access to all the clubs.  They partied and drank hard the night away. When Jack and Joy wake up the next day - they were MARRIED to to each other. As they were having a "marital spat" on the slots, Jack wins 3 million with Joy's quarter. 

The battle for the big bucks begins.

The judge instructs them to live together as a married couple and attend marriage counselling for six months.  After door/toilet seat-removings, staged girl parties, alleged physical abuse antics, and just racing to the marriage counselor to prevent contempt of court, Jack and Joy discover that there is more to their marriage than just one accidental "I DO" in Vegas. 


The movie is hilarious.  This movie does not require your neurons to work, but it will tickle them.  It's a romance-comedy for this generation's of Vegas culture.  Watch this if you're feeling down, as the hilarity of the movie will lift your mood up.